L.E. Caldwell
…The Inane Ramblings of a Geezerly Septuagenarian
“All men have an emotion to kill; when they strongly dislike some one they involuntarily wish he was dead. I have never killed any one,” wrote Clarence Darrow, “but I have read some obituary notices with great satisfaction.”
Without doubt, most everyone is familiar with the word obituary. With every passing day, we are closer to taking that eternal dirt nap; we can only coffin dodge for so long. But just in case there is any uncertainty, an obituary is a notice of someone’s death, typically published in a newspaper or online. It usually includes a brief biography of the deceased person’s life, his or her past and present family, and what funeral arrangements have been made.
As a youngster, our local weekly newspaper (my father was one of the editors) printed death notices on the front page…not buried in the back like last week’s news (no pun intended). It was important.
And depending on the size of the newspaper and the staff, some larger paper had an ‘obit desk’ and a specific staff writer who took the information and wrote the obituary notices according to the guideline of that newspaper. I have written my fair share of obituaries over the years…in fact I wrote my father’s obituary when he died in 1983 at age 62.
I recently received an email from an old editor friend, feigning his death in obituary form…he wasn’t really dead, just making a point. He had a message to perpetuate…an agenda to push.
His writing is on point, though religiously slanted in this instance. I worked with him before his religious transformation from heathenism (his words) to which he credits his second wife. He was a great writer then. And I’m not here to throw stones or cast judgement, but for me religion, simply-put, is a faith-based belief system. And it’s called faith-based because of the lack of supporting evidence. But I digress. That’s a topic for another day.
My friend did bring up some interesting points, saying “I recognize that there are many Christian denominations and not all have the same beliefs, but I think most believe in eternal life.
“I wrote my obituary myself,” he continued, “because I wanted to depart a Christian message to readers who might not understand any of this. Also, I suppose it could be said, I wanted to have the last word.
“But the actual fact of the matter is that God has the last word. Hope to see some of you in the hereafter.”
Okay, for me the take away here, has nothing to do with religion and God having the last word, it’s more about the writer having the last say…the final word. I have already written my obituary, except for the ending which of course remains to be played out on the stage of life. I prefer to speak for myself, tell my own story and perhaps impart a few words of wisdom…an obituary with editorial license if you will. Writing in objective third person may take some practice...there is a learning curve.
Who better to write about what we represent and who we are than ourselves. It’s concerning when someone else claims to know more about us, than we know about ourselves and feel the need to speak on our behalf when it comes to matters of life and especially our final words. An obituary is our last best attempt to set the record straight…it’s a personal accounting of sorts.
Growing up in a newspaper family…reading, writing and english are second nature. You could get a less than stellar grade in Math, but it was ‘Katy bar the door’ if you didn’t excel in English. When I enrolled in college and signed up for Introduction to Reporting, the first assignment was to write about ourselves as if we were telling our own story in obituary form…it was interesting to see the faces of my classmates; the paper was due by the end of class. There were no personal computers at that time…just pen to paper. It proved to be a daunting task for some.
I read obituaries everyday…you know the punchline…if my name is not listed, then I’ll go ahead and have that second cup of coffee; in my case with an extra jigger of Bailey’s Irish Creme.
It’s important to be truthful when telling your own story. I have read many an obituary that was so saccharin-filled that the page was sticky to the touch…it may well be an honest accounting, but not necessarily true…there is a difference. It is even more troubling when you know with certainly that some of the information is simply not factual. Just for clarification, truth is objective fact, while honesty is more about one’s beliefs…making honesty about intent and truth about accuracy. No need to muddy the waters, it is often best to just leave some stones unturned.
It reminds me of the famous Samuel Clemons (Mark Twain) quote. Setting the stage: It was May of 1897 and Clemens was in London on a speaking tour that had begun nearly two years prior. He had hoped to use the fees from the speaking engagements to pay off the considerable debts he owed in the United States.
While he was in London, someone started a rumor that the author was gravely ill. It was further reported by at least one newspaper that he had died. When Clemens got wind of the stories and his impending death, he humorously told a newspaper writer…“The report of my death was an exaggeration.”
As we get older, it is important to ponder life, and write down what you know to be true and accurate…don’t leave it others. Death has a way of masking our true selves from the reality of who we truly are, at least according to those that claim to know us best. Death pushes those most dear to exaggerate the good and eulogize the deceased as someone above reproach.
Just for the record: I am not the life of the party, overly kind or generous to a fault. My smile does not light up a room, nor have I never met a stranger...enough said.
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